Discipline goes hand in hand with motivation, which I didn’t really realise until this week when I saw this quote! Or maybe subconsciously I didn’t want to believe it, as I’m definitely not good with discipline!
Me and discipline definitely don’t go hand in hand together skipping down the lane, kicking arse for being so great at staying strong! Staying away from nicotine, sugar, carbs, alcohol, men (well that I am very good at now, as I have been able to hold down a man for over two and half years) doesn’t come easy to me. Well come on let’s be honest who can have so much discipline, that they clearly have no naughtiness in their lives? Ok if there are people who have discipline and willpower in their lives, I applaud you plus I am secretly envious of you and want you to fail! Hey, I’m human come on you can’t tell me you never secretly wanted someone to fail! If you haven’t, I applaud you too aren’t you a decent human being!
Any who when I saw this quote, something clicked! I tell you now that my motivation lasts for around two weeks. I have a cheeky cheat day or cigarette and then I’m straight back to the beginning again. Even sitting here typing this up, in the back of my mind my brain is telling me “ heyyyyyyy you are feeling a bit stressed out, do you know what would help and make you feel better? Having a sneaky fag will certainly help. Go and buy a packet I know you want to”. Yes yes yes what I give for a cigarette right now. To give me some guilty pleasure for five minutes. For the moment I am staying disciplined, but I really don’t know how long it will last for!
For the longest time it has been a battle with being good with what I put in my mouth (talking about food). I always linked it with not having great motivation, but I also lack discipline. Don’t get me wrong I know it is good to have discipline, but I personally find having a routine and having good habits sort of boring. Which is clearly why I am in constant battle with myself. There have been times when I am disciplined, have plenty of motivation plus willpower is in the background too. Unfortunately, my need to gorge on junk food and all the things that are bad for you but tastes so damn good is sometimes higher! I’m not saying that I will never touch junk food and all the naughty things again, but I need to learn that I have to have more discipline. If I want to see results and feel good about myself, I need to be more aware of what I put in my mouth. It’s ok to have a treat once in a while but not daily!
It’s the same with smoking! Such a dirty habit to have, but I actually enjoy having a menthol cigarette. Especially when it is Summertime when the sun does shine, if England is actually having good weather and you are sitting with friends outside it’s tempting to smoke. The thing is that in the past I have given up smoking. This one time I didn’t touch a cigarette for 14 months. I know I can give up but my desire for a cigarette is way, way higher than my will not to smoke. It’s something I am working on. I haven’t smoked for three days now but that’s only because I’m skint!
That also leads on to the fact that my discipline not to spend money on things I feel that I need, but don’t is very low as well. In the past I have had my mother dearest bail me out of financial difficulty or the boyfriend leading me some dollar (and I am paying them back). This month though I declined help from the lover, and I haven’t asked my mother to help me out either. Realising that I need to have discipline when it comes to finance, as it is one stress I don’t need. I can help myself by actually not buying items of clothing from Boohoo or Missguided, just in case I need 12 bikinis when I next go on holiday!
On Saturday night I decided that I needed to have an action plan, so when I don’t feel motivated I will still have some discipline. I love making lists, as it makes me feel organised and in control of my life somehow. That is what I did, I made a list of what I am going to do and what to keep on top of for the next two weeks. You know what, it makes me so much better knowing that I have written down what needs to be done. Hopefully I have the discipline, to then complete everything I wrote to do on that list!