So, I have to admit that for the last month ok the last three months, I haven't given a shit when it comes to what I shove in my mouth (I'm talking about food). Due to my lack of willpower and motivation in general I have paid the price, I have put on a stone! I also have to admit that I have been skipping out on the gym and being too lazy to even do a home workout. I can make plenty of excuses, I had an viral and kidney infection (at the same time, lucky me), I get pains so I want don't injury myself, my body is telling me that I need to rest. The list can go on and on.
The real reason why I tend to give up so easily is that it's hard work for me. Seeing and hearing so many different opinions, options, workouts, diets, do's and don'ts. It gets overwhelming. I know what I should be doing, but the love of junk food and food in general is sometimes too hard to resist, plus I know exercise keeps me fit and my weight down, but I have never been a lover of exercise. Though don't get me wrong, sometimes I love doing a good workout at the gym.
In general weight to me is a touchy subject, it always seems that I don't really fit in anywhere! I'm far from skinny but I'm not large. Some people would say I'm fat while some others would say I'm fine. I can't seem to win, or the fact that still at the age of 29, I still care what people think of me.
Being bullied when I was younger did affect me and how I see myself in the mirror. One of my friends even said that I have body dysmorphia (before anyone starts it was out of jest), as I always say “Oh I put on weight, I look so fat". Don't get me wrong, there are times when I do look in the mirror and I like what I see staring back at me. Most of the time it is me putting myself down, which I know isn't a good thing. Instead of pointing out every time what I dislike about myself, I should embrace all the things I do like about myself, or what people tell me (Dave always says that I have a got a good bum).
I constantly contradict myself in a way, where for a few weeks I binge on anything I fancy. For example KFC, McDonalds, Indian takeaways, IKEA Swedish meatballs with mash, I could go on. Then afterwards I feel absolutely awful, then I will host my favourite sort of party (a self pity party of course) then complain about the weight I have put on, when I know that I can't get away with eating junk and sitting on my arse.
There are times when I feel like giving up but then I remember why I want to feel good about myself. Looking after yourself is vital as we only get one body. It is also important to remember that it isn't important what the scale says as well. In general my diet is pretty alright. It could be better but I'm not a saint, plus like I said my willpower is pretty low. I know I can exercise more in general, as I do like getting that energised feeling when I have had done a good session at the gym.
From personal experience, I spent too much time worrying if I got back fat, or my arms are flabby, not feeling toned and not being the perfect weight. What I am trying to say that, stepping on the scales and seeing a number flash up on the screen shouldn't make you feel overweight and hate yourself for being a certain weight! Scales shouldn't define if you are overweight or not. If you want to get fit and lose a few pounds (like I want to do most of the time) make it an experience that is enjoyable. Not an experience where you feel like a failure when you step on the scales, because you didn't lose a pound or two in a week!