Growing up and to be honest on most days I want to be tall, slim, long thick shiny blonde hair, sparking blue eyes, have a big bust and have long legs also a natural all year tan wouldn't go amiss either. Unfortunately it was my brother who ended up being tall, slim with blue eyes ( he got the Polish genes). Where I ended up not so slim (which I know most people will disagree), dark hair, dark eyes and short! Life can be cruel sometimes! Ok that is dramatic but come on it is a bit unfair!
People say that in today's society we are under so much pressure to look a certain way. In many cases yes, but I think society has always put people under pressure to look a certain way. Maybe more so now due to social media, which can be a good tool to stay in contact with friends and family, find amazing places to go on holiday or to eat ( by pretending you have the money to do all that, but your bank account says otherwise) but most of the time social media can cause stress, anxiety and unnecessary drama!
I know it has affected me over the years when skinny was the big thing with massive tits, having hair extensions, lip fillers (luckily I was blessed with good lips), the fake look the list goes on. I am grateful that the whole thick thighs, going to the gym and weightlifting is now in. Looking at social media I noticed that there wasn't many girls with the same body build to mine, but these days that isn't the case. I'm in the range of not skinny but not on the large side, have big thighs but a small waist, having medium sized boobs but having chunky arms. I definitely think in my eyes that I don't have the desired body at all.
Many people tell me to shut up when I say "I look so fat", and they have every right to they disagree with me. That should make me feel great but it doesn't. Maybe I have every high standards for myself as I am always give myself a hard time. There are times though, when I look in the mirror and realise that I'm not as hideous as I think I am. To be honest I contradict myself on so many levels.
Sometimes I feel so confident in my appearance and I know that people find me attractive but there are times where I think Jesus I’m so ugly, I need a paper bag over my head. I wish it was easy to love yourself but I find it too damn hard.
Maybe one day I will be able to look in the mirror and instead of pointing out all the things I dislike about myself, I will point out the things I do like myself. It is a tough habit to break though. I think it is important to learn to love yourself, but you have to find the right balance.
I try and do things that make me feel good about myself. I love getting my hair done as it makes me feel confident, having great hair. Putting some fake tan on always makes me feel sexy, even though it turns out a slight orange. Getting my arse to the gym also helps me out, as I see changes in my body so it gives me the motivation to keep going.
Learning to love oneself, is a big challenge for me but some days are a lot easier than others. I hope one day I can say I love myself and that to be the honest truth!