Don't I fancy a menthol cigarette, a pink gin with lemonade and a curry, which to be honest sounded like what I would consume every weekend back in the day. Instead of a curry it would be a greasy kebab! Even just last night walking back from the gym the smell of the kebab shop was calling my name, tempting me to stuff myself with greasy fatty meat with a salad (healthy right) and a large pitta bread.
I have to say cravings is one of the hardest things for me to deal with, it always has been. Weighing myself on a daily basis doesn't help. For example this morning having been to loo, I popped myself onto the scales and I haven't even lost a pound! This obviously made me feel like "screw this, what is the point of behaving if I am not getting anything in return!" The temptation for me to march myself down to Morrisons and go straight to the fresh cake section, where I would grab myself a cheesecake, then navigate my way to the crisp and chocolate aisle. This is when I would grab myself a large packet of posh crisps, normally cheese and onion, but the label would be pretentious. I swiftly move to the chocolate aisle where I contemplate what to purchase, which always ends up being a large bar of Galaxy. I have also been known to then go and grab myself a tub of ice cream, where I would convince myself that I was only going to have quarter of the tub, but probably just kid myself and indulge the whole tub! Instead of acting out this scenario I looked myself in the mirror (which I hate to do) and reminded myself that it has only been two weeks and not dwell on what the scales said!
Sugar is one of the biggest triggers for me and is definitely a love/hate relationship. Take for example at work on a Thursday evening, for those who follow me on Instagram might have seen my story (my Instagram name is tamaraargyelan if your aren't following me already). I was met with two naughty delicious looking desserts (see below). It was bloody difficult not to destroy those desserts. I was literally itching to have some sugar. Even went on My Fitness Pal to see if I could have a cheeky cupcake, but I used up my sugar allowance for the day (crying emoji face). The world was playing a cruel joke on me that is for certain! To make sure I didn't cave in, I heated my dinner which definitely was not as satisfying, a large bottle of water was consumed and I kept myself busy at work so not to be tempted by the bright colours and sprinkles of the cupcakes or the thick slice of Victoria sponge cake (which is one of my favourites) sitting there waiting for me to give in! Just to clarify I didn't give in and felt guilt free!
These pictures do not give justice to how enticing they actually where!
When it comes to temptation it always makes me feel like I have committed a crime where I end up feeling so bloody guilty! This is when I'm like "god what a fat slob!" Can't believe you ate a whole ham and pineapple pizza (I stand by my choice of pizza topping) from Papa Johns, which comes to over 1500 calories. It doesn't stop there as I also devour a portion of chicken poppers along with two pots of garlic butter sauce that calculates around an extra 500 calories. This is the cycle that I am constantly trying to break. In the short term having a blow out like that is like food porn, feels amazing for a while and then fills me with guilt afterwards. In the long term it really isn't worth it. Don't get me wrong I don't think I will give up food porn (it's tastes too damn good), but it is also time to realise that it isn't good for my waistline or my purse (which also includes Dave's wallet). I always seem to persuade him to buy junk food, though to be honest it doesn't take much for him to give in. What can I say I'm a bad influence!
Cravings is like a constant head fuck, like the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other shoulder situation. Like the angel, which in my head would have the perfect abs and an annoying high pitch voice saying "Tamara don't give in, remember you want to look banging in a bikini". While the devil who is smoking a fag, stuffing her face with a big mac while sipping on a gin n tonic is whispering to me "sod it! Treat yourself you can always start fresh tomorrow". I have to admit that 90% of the time I go with the devil's advice and then throw myself a self-pity party (I'm very good at hosting one of those) and end back where I have started!
This year I feel more determined to not give into cravings. It's all about finding balance and being able to stop myself. During the last couple of weeks, I have done some certain things which help me along the way: