I don’t know about you but I have always wanted people’s approval, even when I was a tot. Always trying to people please so they will automatically like me, because well I’m a bloody nice person that’s why! However people and their personalities made that difficult for me, so there are people who aren’t huge fans of mine! Shock horror I know! I’m a bloody delight no one could actually dislike me, but there are humans who can’t stand me and they are entitled to their opinion. Even though I’m a sensitive soul, so deep down I am actually thinking, “fuck you, I’m not going to like you either you twat”.
There have been certain situations throughout the years that people decided to dislike me without any real reason. That's fine, but when they are a person that you have to smile at, actually be nice to them because they are part of a social circle that you got dragged into, that’s when it get’s difficult for me!
I’m not about that fake life! Sorry not sorry! I get it you have be nice to save face, because you want to be seen as the nice person but you are the actual knobhead. I rather have someone be honest with me and get it out of the way! We aren’t always going to see eye to eye but I rather someone be honest with me. Than be all fake smiles, giving me dagger looks when they think I can’t see them doing it and then the bitching in the corner because they can’t say all those lovely things they are saying about me to my actual face!
I found it immensely difficult to realise that it is none of my business why someone doesn’t like me. It shouldn’t really matter, most of the time the feeling is actually mutual, but it still bruises my ego.
Instead of worrying about why certain people dislike me, I should concentrate on actually liking myself as a person! It shouldn’t be anyone’s job to like me, or forcing people to like me. I should like myself, but I find that hard to do.
Sitting there trying to think of things I like about myself, is a hard task to do. The thing is, I want people to desperately like me but sometimes I don’t even like me! Work that one out!
Writing all this down makes me realise, that it actually really doesn’t matter if someone adores me or not! What actually matters, is that I need to start liking myself and the person I have become! To stop putting myself down, to stop letting people’s actions and opinions get to me so much. To also remind myself that it isn’t someone’s job to like me it’s mine!