Is there something wrong with me? I don’t know if anyone feels this way, but I constantly worry if I am liked by people. Since moving to Milton Keynes, it has been difficult to make friendships! Actually writing this down I feel like a complete loser!
When I was younger it was so much easier to make friendships, maybe because I spent most of my teenage and early adult life in Medway where everyone knows everyone! Milton Keynes is a place where I feel that making friendships is hard work, or just maybe people don’t want to be friends with me. It’s hard not to jump to negative thoughts but I can’t be the only one? Surely not? I can’t be the only person who has moved to a new city and found it immensely difficult to form new friendships!
Don’t get me wrong I have an amazing group of girlfriends but unfortunately they live down South, so it’s difficult to just pop round, go out for dinner or go out as it’s a two hour journey down to Kent. I sound like Billy no mates, but I just feel that sometimes the people that I do know that live my way, can’t seem to stand me! I know deep down that it is more than likely totally untrue, but I find it difficult to put myself out. Purely because I hate the feeling of rejection (no one does really- do they?) plus when you get to a certain point in your life, it can be difficult to fit in being sociable. It can also be the fact that people already have their friendship groups. It’s just hard not to take it personally.
To find your group of people can be just as tough as finding a partner. It can be exhausting and most of the time, I’m like fuck it. I can’t be bothered. There are times where I am like, maybe I should join a group, try a new sport etc. I have done this, but even then I’m like I’m not putting myself out there, I look bloody desperate. It feels like I cannot win.
However the friendships I do have I truly do appreciate. I have some friends who have been in my life for a very long time ( unfortunately they are stuck with me). Friends, who support me, keep my motivated and like me for me. Having these friendships are most important, as I know that they will always be there for me. Unfortunately none of them really live that close to me, but we always try our hardest to meet up when we can. And when we do it’s like we have never been apart and being surrounded by good friends, makes me feel pretty damn happy (sad but true).
Friendships, like any relationship is a two way street. Communication, compromise and having friends who don’t make you feel like shit, I feel is very important. I’m not saying that I have no friends where I live now, that isn’t the case ( I’m not so much a loser, as I think). I just feel it is more difficult to be myself and not knowing if they like my company or not. I’m probably not making that much effort too, but I do find it hard.
I have realised that when you are at that sort of age where people are settling down etc, people don’t want to or don’t have the time to socialise any more. If I am truly being honest here, these days I’d rather stay in and binge watch Netflix and then go to bed. But then I see plenty of people of all ages socialising and having fun with friends, so God knows. Maybe I am just over thinking like I naturally do. Just maybe, it’s just me being over sensitive, just sometimes I feel that I am completely alone and I hate that feeling.